Image courtesy of Kathy Belge
In Search of Happiness
Thomas Jefferson famously declared the pursuit of happiness to be an inalienable right, yet for the majority of us the how of that statement has eluded us.
When I was still in high school and so uncomfortable in my own skin it hurt, I used to think that if only I could attend the all-girls college in town I’d be happy.
For a while I was, but I soon realized that if I was to have in any hope at all of passing my exams I’d have to ignore (at least in part) my ‘lovely surroundings’. Dammit.
I came to the conclusion that my happiness would arrive (wrapped in a bow) the minute I completed my studies and started working.
My first job was fantastic. I loved the independence and freedom it afforded me, and it didn’t even matter that my salary always dried up before the end of the month. Being reliant on public transport really sucked though, and so I dreamt of the day I’d buy my first car, convinced that when I did I’d be happy.
I was a textbook example of someone with an external locus of control.
In other words I was searching for happiness outside of myself.
Sound familiar?
If you’re not in the mood for reading further (I get how that can be such a drag sometimes), you can just watch the YouTube clip below. It’s a recording of my Toastmasters CC7 speech on the same topic.
Locus of Control
Julian B. Rotter, an American psychologist known for developing influential theories, first developed an understanding of this concept back in 1954.
I’m always amazed by how long this stuff has been around. Whenever I come across a new idea (and by new I mean new to me) I immediately think it was discovered just last week.
He said a person’s ‘locus’, which is Latin for ‘place’ or ‘location’, is conceptualized as either internal (the person believes they can control their life) or external (they believe their life is determined by environmental factors beyond their control).
On the opposite end of the spectrum from me, and a gobsmackingly impressive example of someone with a high internal locus of control, was Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist that survived the Holocaust.
Despite suffering untold atrocities at the hands of the Germans, and losing his wife, mother and brother during the war, Frankl maintained that even in the most absurd, painful and dehumanized situation, life has potential meaning, and that therefore even suffering is meaningful.
Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms. To choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. – Viktor Frankl
In her book, The How of Happiness – A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Professor of Psychology at the University of California, shows us exactly what we need to do in order to be happy, but one concept in particular stood out for me.
The 40% Solution
Through remarkable studies with identical twins separated at birth, scientists have discovered that about 50% of our happiness is determined by our genetics.
We have what they call a “happiness set point”—a level of happiness we tend to gravitate toward regardless of events that take place in our lives.
Another 10% of our happiness is determined by our life circumstances. This is where most of us focus our efforts and it’s all but a complete waste of time.
Research has shown that increasing our wealth, buying a new car, etc., has both a negligible and temporary impact on our welbeing.
The answer lies in the remaining 40%.
Once we’ve eliminated genetics and circumstances, there is one critical thing left: our behavior.
If we want to sustainably increase our happiness we’ve got to focus on the 40% that’s within our control.
We all know that learning a new profession or mastering a sport requires effort, yet we don’t apply the same notion to our emotional or mental lives.
The thing is, when taken in context the word pursuit refers to a vocation rather than a goal. Rather than chasing after it, what we should be doing is working at our happiness on a daily basis.
But don’t let that put you off, because it’s been said that ‘happiness work’ is probably the most rewarding work you’ll ever do.
Happiness Enhancing Strategies
Count your blessings: Express gratitude for what you have. Get yourself a journal or simply spend time on a daily basis contemplating everything you have to be grateful for. Just write down five things, that’s it. You need to keep this up when life hurls you lemons too. In fact, that’s when you need to be even more vigilant about maintaining an attitude of gratitude.
Avoid over thinking and social comparison: Cut down on how often you dwell on your problems and compare yourself to others. More often than not we compare our rough first draft to someone else’s Oscar-winning screenplay and then beat ourselves up for being such shitty writers. We’ve gotta stop doing that.
Practice acts of kindness: Do good things for others, whether friends or strangers, either directly or anonymously, either spontaneously or planned. This isn’t just new-agey feel good stuff, it actually works.
Nurture relationships: Pick a relationship in need of strengthening and invest time and energy in cultivating it. It’s extremely rewarding to see something flourish under our care, whether it’s a plant or a friendship, just make the effort.
Do more activities that truly engage you: Look for activities at home and work that challenge you. These are called ‘flow’ activities. Check out this TED talk by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced Mee High Cheek Set Me High): Flow, the secret to happiness.
Replay and savor life’s joys: Pay close attention to what’s going on around you. Take delight in life’s pleasures and wonders through thinking, writing, drawing, or sharing with another. Instead of gossiping or repeating bad news (it doesn’t help anyone) rather relay good news and events.
Commit to your goals: Pick one, two, or three significant goals that are meaningful to you and go after them like they’re the last bus of the night (thanks Lance). As Sonja Lyubomirsky says, the can be no happiness without action.
Develop strategies for coping: Practice ways to endure or surmount a recent stress, hardship, or trauma. Don’t immediately resort to wailing and teeth gnashing when something doesn’t go according to plan or you experience a situation you would have preferred not to. Stop, breathe, and then think about how best you can get back on track. Throwing a tantrum won’t change the flat tyre.
Learn to forgive: Work on letting go of anger and resentment towards others who have hurt or wronged you. Think about this not so much in terms of letting the other person off the hook for what they’ve done, but rather as giving yourself a gift of good health and emotional wellbeing.
Take care of your body: Engage in physical activity, meditation, smiling and laughing. Ditch the news and watch some comedy instead.
Take note of where your locus of control is. If you find it to be outside of yourself then perhaps now is the time for you to start focusing on happiness as a pursuit rather than a goal.
And remember, Shakespeare said there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. 
